A love letter

I wrote this for a past lover but never gave it to her. Changed her name from her name to She or Her. 

50 things I like about Her

 

1.) I like how She will sometimes shift all her weight onto her left leg, jut out her left hip, and then point her right foot outwards. She does this when she is holding something or if she is resting one of her elbows in a hand. It’s a very sassy look and she usually only does it when she’s in a certain mood (mischievous, playful, coy, demanding)

2.) I like Her posture. I can tell she spent a good amount of time training it. I don’t know if it was from her parents, or if sometime in her teenage years she decided that her posture was important enough to train.  But it never fails. Ever. She is always upright, shoulders in line with her ears, her neck and chin at an elegant angle. I also like how she overlaps her hands when she sits.  It’s so proper and elegant.

3.) I like that when something is unexpectedly funny, She doesn’t have the time to compose herself and will belt out such a loud genuine laugh. Her Asian upbringing (I think this is why) kicks in and she’ll immediately cover her mouth with her right hand. Her laugh doesn’t stop though and I catch glimpses of her bright teeth and lips through her slender fingers.  When she’s done she’ll work to compose herself but a happy smile stays glued on the corners of her lips. She’ll always shoot me side glances after this as if to communicate “ok, you got me. That was funny. But I’m a lady. I don’t just laugh out loud at everything.”

4.) I like her wit. God she can be so witty. This for me can be unexpected. I particularly like that she usually reserves her wit for when she is being bratty to someone. It’s such an antithesis to her polite persona. But it’s veiled in humor so it doesn’t compromise her. I’m happy every time I see her being witty.

5.) I like that Her bed is always made. Like…always. I guess because we are in SoCal and it’s usually just her in her bed it’s easy to fix in the mornings but I still find it endearing.

6.) I like that She rolls up her panties and has a place for each one. Like, I’ve seen shoe cubicles and they make sense but cubicles for panties… never. I stopped and realized one day that she actually sits down and rolls each one individually and then places it into it’s own little home.  I think this makes me happy because I realize that She enjoys this part of her week (or month), where she gets to organize and put everything in its place. It’s not so much the organization but the pleasure that She gets from it. I can see her patting her cubicle box and smiling when she’s done. It makes me smile.

7.) I like that She goes to the theater alone.

8.) I like that She reads books… and not just novels but short stories. It’s rare to meet someone that enjoys reading novellas or shorts. I like that other people’s stories mean so much to her. This speaks to a pretty deep empathy that I know She is still discovering.

9.) I like how considerate She is of people’s emotions in the NOW… at least when her own emotions are calm.  She is a natural nurturer. This is one of the traits I’m the most admirable of. I know She gets anxious when she thinks about motherhood, but she is going to be so good at it.

10.) I like how She appreciates femininity. I like in particular, how she is very fond of flowers and naked women together. I think there is a lot going on in this appreciation. I think She is celebrating womanhood when she appreciates these things; their delicateness, their sexuality, their nurturing, their power, their desire. It’s all wrapped up together.

11.) I like how She does maintenance on her facebook. I’m still figuring out what is motivating her. Sometimes I think that she is thinking to herself…”no, people don’t want to come to my page and see this. It’s too cluttered and confusing.” And then she streamlines the experience. Sometimes I think she is thinking to herself… “No, this isn’t me right now.” And then she deletes things or puts up a new photo. I don’t know what it is, but I like that she is thinking about it…whatever the thoughts are.

12.) I like Her fashion. She is elegant and feminine but still dresses to power.  Her style is flowing. It reminds me of a river. She can dress down to earth but still look womanly. She can dress to impress but still be elegant. She is the best dresser that I know. It’s never pretentious. It’s never overly sexual. It never misses the mark. It’s never anything other than attractive.

13.) I like that She is punctual…with everything. She finishes assignments early, she plans things early, she organizes. This is so the opposite of me. I just like being around someone like that. It’s fascinating. It’s like being at a museum…watching someone be a way that I could never be.

14.) I like that She cares about meaning and the bigger question. This is something we share and I don’t think I could ever deeply appreciate someone who didn’t care about this. I have tried but I always lose interest in people that do not have a calling to connect to a greater power or a greater purpose or a greater meaning.  This is another trait that I am most admirable of.

15.) I like that She likes music the same way she likes books. I sometimes wish we could just lay on the floor and listen to her playlist all night. I like that other people’s art has meaning for Her.

16.) I like that She cares about lyrics.

17.) I like Her wisdom. It is real wisdom. I think most of it is still bubbling up into focus for her but it’s there. It comes into focus sometimes and we are connected through it in short and intense moments. Sexual wisdom, emotional wisdom, playful wisdom, spiritual wisdom…then it pops away and we are both left thinking about it afterwards.

18.) I like how much She appreciates manliness…real manliness…not arrogance or chauvinism…but emotional depth, wisdom, kindness, physical strength, logic, nurturing (not feminine nurturing…I don’t know how to explain this yet, or most of this part). It’s power or strength that won’t hurt her but envelop her. I like how she melts into it and lets herself be enveloped by it. She is the feminine to my masculine in a way I have not encountered before. I believe I am learning much about my feminine side, my anima, as she is learning about her masculine side.

19.) I like Her spirituality and her wisdom when it comes to worship. This is another of those most important things for me. I like that she prays. I like that she cries sometimes when she prays. I remember being 5 years old the first time I cried while in worship. It was during a summer storm. I remember my mother was mad at me for being outside. She couldn’t see my tears because of the rain. I thought, “someday I will be with someone who understands”. I’ve cried and prayed many times after that.  I remember one time she wrote me and said “I care about you. I know you want someone to sit with you. You want someone who can understand you and I do. It’s nice to sit with someone when you understand each other”. She was right. I think our spirituality is the biggest reason we connect.

20.) I like that She named her car and even defends Jasmine against insults. One time I said Jasmine wasn’t a racing car and She was like “oh…she can go fast!! It just takes a while to get there because of gears and stuff but she drives just fine!” I thought this was the cutest thing in the world at the time.

21.) I like that She likes scents. Candles, perfume, shampoos, oils, wines. We were at TJ maxx one time and she shopped for coffee and candles. I wanted to hold the coffee in our hands and just smell it together there in the aisle, forehead to forehead. We were with friends though.

22.) I like that She drinks. Not sure if I should like this but I do.  I like that she knows how to drink too. It’s a classy trait. I think most people don’t realize when she’s drunk. She holds herself so well. But I always see that mischevious twinkle in her glossy eyes.

23.) I like that She likes art. Again, books and music are along the same vein but it’s her ability to just participate in something someone made and find pleasure in it. I really enjoy seeing her do this.

24.) I like that She fasts.

25.) I like that She sings. This shouldn’t be one of my most important things I admire, since really, she didn’t do much to be a good singer. I feel like I shouldn’t judge someone as positively for it. But I absolutely love her voice. I like that when she is ovulating it’s slightly higher and she always smiles when she talks. I’ve melted every time that she has sang to me.

26.) I like that She has one discolored tooth. I don’t know how she got it but I can guess. It speaks to her strength. I love her smile because of it. It reminds me of how strong she is.

27.) I like that She likes classy things. I remember once when I was like 12 my mom told me “you better get a degree and get a good job because you only seem to like nice things and nice things are expensive. If you don’t you are going to be miserable.” It’s the only time my mom encouraged my schooling. But I get why She likes nice things and I appreciate it. And even though she likes nice things, she still respects money. I like that too.

28.) I like that She can say what helps in the moment even if it’s false. I know this is a weird thing to like but I’m very much the opposite. I’ve tried to do this before and I’m getting better but it still makes me anxious. It’s not part of me. I need to say what helps in the long run. I need to say the truth. This is one of those things I admire because it is so unlike me and it really gives me perspective. I like that She understands there are personal and internal experiences that are just as true as what is going on outside a person’s being, and that you can cater to that and that sometimes, it’s the only thing that should be catered to. It’s a wonderful trait.

29.) I like Her deep respect for tradition and family.

30.) I like Her hair. It’s a deep black unlike other black hair. It’s silky and thick. She once laid on the floor and it fanned out about her naked body like a deep abyss. I wanted to fall into it.

31.) I like Her scent. I read sometime ago that we like the scent of people who compliment our immune system. There are people who’s scents I don’t like but I like Hers. It’s not her perfume that I like, but her. (Although I do appreciate her perfume). I’m sure she read about this on quora.

32.) I like Her lips. Often, as you know more and more people, you can start relating parts. “Oh, that persons eyes look like so and so’s eyes. Oh, that person has hair just like Carl”…etc… but I’ve never seen lips quite like Hers. There are dimples just on the corners of them. Her smile is entirely unique to me.

33.) I like Her head tilt. She does this small little head tilt when she is acknowledging that she did something mischievous. I like her mischievousness but the head tilt really gets me. Like “yea I did that. But look how cute I am.” Or “yea I like that but don’t I look so innocent?”

34.) I like Her neck.

35.) I like Her hips.

36.) I like Her body in general. She fits my arms like a puzzle piece. Her neck perfectly cups my face when I kiss her.

37.) I like how intelligent She is. I think she tries to hide it or maybe play it down. She is so smart though. I sometimes even think she doesn’t realize how smart she is.

38.) I like how She enjoys celebrity gossip. This is another thing that is so opposite from me. I enjoy seeing her indulge in it in a way I never could. It’s so alien to me and I enjoy hearing her talk about it or even get excited about it. She won’t express this excitement explicitly but I can see it in her face.

39.) I like Her bravery. When I think about the things she has done, and what she has faced, I’m always humbled. She is brave in a way I don’t understand. I can only accept that it’s there.

40.) I like Her sadness. Another weird thing to like but I like it so much. It’s in her wisdom. Her roommate once told me “you look sad”. I wanted to reply that wise people are always carrying sadness with them but I thought it rude. She is wise like that. It’s sort of a peaceful sadness sometimes and at others it’s desperate. I could not like Her at all I think, if this wasn’t a part of her.

41.) I like that She likes quiet.

42.) I like that She likes food. She told me once “but sex and food is everyone’s favorite”…but she likes food in a very special way. The way it looks, the way it smells, the way it feels in her mouth. She is very in tune with her senses. I love this about her. She likes food the way I like sex. She also likes sex the way I like sex.

43.) I like that I can see Her emotions in her body. She is so feminine and I can see her feelings in her collarbone and chest as she breathes. When she gets excited, when she gets anxious, when she gets scared, it will show in the rhythm of her movements, in the quiver of her lips. If I were deaf her body would be brail to me. I don’t think I would need sign language; Her skin-flushes, her eyes, her fidgeting hands, her body amplifying her wants like a sounding board. I like that I can read her.

44.) I like Her fantasies. That’s all I’ll say.

45.) I like how She is learning to be kind to herself. I know she has done this for a while (lunches alone, books, movies alone, shopping therapy, etc..) but I think she is very aware of herself and her needs when she has had time to herself. I like that self knowledge in her.

46.) I like Her nurturing impulse. I don’t think she has indulged completely in this impulse but I know she will one day. She will be a wonderful mother and a wonderful partner. I think this idea makes Her anxious and I think I know why, but I know she will find herself. I think being able to nurture and protect and support is a core trait of who she is. It is what God decided She should fundamentally be I think.

47.) I like that She cares about how she looks and thinks about how she can look her best.

48.) I like that She cares about things that are bigger than her. Not the spiritual things I was speaking about earlier, but altruistic things. This is another I don’t think she indulges in. Maybe because she is anxious about being disingenuous but I know it’s part of her. I have wanted to invite her to volunteer at places before or to make things for kids that are living in abuse shelters or to go help bottle feed babies at the hospital that have been born to drug addicted mothers. I don’t know if She does this at all but I know she wants to and that it’s part of her. I like that I can see it.

49.) I like that She dances. This is another thing that is on the most important list. I think I told her once that I never understood couples-dancing at a club. I saw it. I tried it a few times but it was always awkward. I didn’t get it. All these people dancing hoping to hook up with strangers, or with acquaintances they were crushing on. It all seemed so false and insincere. But then I danced with her at that bar next to our hotel. We were dressed in the least clubby clothes possible. We leaned into each other and our lips played chase for some 2 or 3 seconds before landing in the perfect spot. I thought “oh….this is why. This is why we do it. This is why people dance at clubs”. I’ve loved every time I’ve ever danced with her. In the parking lot, in her living room, at clubs, on roofs. I feel like our bodies were meant to move together.

50.) I love Her laugh. It is the purest happiest sound in the world. It’s like cherubs of sound are fluttering out of her mouth and making everything and everyone glow. It’s the closest to magic I’ve ever been.

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